my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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