i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
