fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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