i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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