Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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