When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
