A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
