I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
