you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
