Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
