in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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