Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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