So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
