Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
