he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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