Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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