And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
