Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
