woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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