I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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