jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
