did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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