My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
