ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
