My friends, they love my intelligence
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
