You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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