You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
