I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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