By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
