mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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