So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
