He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
