oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
