i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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