Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
