I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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