Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
