i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
