I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
