I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just high enough for therapy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
