Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
