at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
