Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
