stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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