ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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