Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
