Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
