yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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