Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
