Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
