I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
