Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
