my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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