She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
tell me about the fingering
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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