maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
