So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
