I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
