Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
