3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
