Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
