how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?