I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.