Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
