We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
