You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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