Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
