my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
