Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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