She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
