Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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