I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
