i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
