So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
