did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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